Dr.
K.G Nayar is no more. He has left us for good. "achan marichu', these
words dripped like hot oil into my ear over the cell phone. Satya was sobbing,
but remarkably strong and in control. I was in a class expounding on the
virtues of non-attachment. I struggled in vain to control the tsunami of
surging emotions in my heart. My listeners sensed that something was amiss.
Satya mercifully didn't stay long on the phone. My voice cracked, but soon I
regained control and continued my talk, though at the back of mind I was seeing
Padma, Shobha and Satya against the pale shadows of Amma and Dr. K.G.
It all
happened in a blink, before any one had time to react. The starting the
institute, shifting to the new apartment, Amma's death, the inconsolable grief
and suddenly from the blue with out any rhyme or reason, K.G took ill. The
denouement of the tragic was relentless. Today he was hale and healthy and the
following day he was in the ICU. I was following achan's daily health bulletins
with abated breath. I assured Shobha and Padma every time they called that K.G
will come out of this travail unscathed, that he is a fighter, that he has so
much to do, that he is so strong to succumb to a dumb bacterium, and so on and
so forth. But little did I know that I was only saying what Padma wanted to
hear and what I wanted to happen. Karma was slowly and silently but mercilessly
working on its agenda. It is not what we piously wish but what the universe
wants that will happen. K.G had already switched sides and joined forces with
the indomitable law of karma. He was packing up silently while we were chanting
and praying and wishing not noticing the fading smile on his dry lips and tired
eyes. I had no clue about K.G's pact with Yama. Padma and Shobha believed my
oracle that K.G will survive and go back to work and that all will be OK.
For
the last fifteen years Dr. K.G was my good friend, partner and guide. He was a
man of few words, but for when he gives a presentation or teaching. He could be
very eloquent, forceful and passionate when he discourses on a subject that is
close to his heart. He never pushed himself. He intuitively knew that
ultimately his view will prevail. He was a pragmatic visionary. Not that he
didn't have his moments of doubts and depression. He was moody and often spoke
under his breath. I rarely seen him raise his voice. I often felt that under
the veneer of his detached calm he was a dreamy romantic. Always helpful, ready
to shoulder responsibilities and making things happen. With Dr. K.G on my side
I felt bold to take on any risky venture. He thought through complicated issues
and brought to the table his vast experience as a marketing executive,
journalist and professor. He had a large circle of close friends, admirers and
adoring students. What distinguishes KG is his versatility, honesty, sincerity
and dedication to work. Not only did he make things happen but also made them
look aesthetically pleasing. He thought in prose but acted poetically.
Padma
was worried about his smoking. Since ten years she has been requesting me to
advice or even admonish him about this self destructive habit. We tried various
stratagems to ween him away from it. But I didn't have the heart to directly
confront him and remind him about something for which he had a fond weakness.
He was so gentle and dignified, so vulnerable and self critical that an advice
seemed to me superficial, hurting and infringing. He was a rose with its due
share of thorns. One day I mustered enough courage and broached the subject to
him. 'Could he ever think of or rather had he ever thought of giving up smoking
for the sake of his daughters, grand children and well wishers who loved and
adored him?' I was in my persuasive and diplomatic
Dr.
K.G basked in the love of Ammumma. When she was in the hospital K.G was beside
her. When Ammumma passed away K.G's will broke. He cried. He saw that one leg
of the tripod collapsed. His spirit lost its balance. K.G's restless soul
fluttered precariously, undecided, between Padma and Ammumma, lost its tenuous
grip, and fell into the bottomless depth of the other world. May his good karma
take the from of golden winged angels and lead his soul to his rightful place
in the Surya Loka.
My
heart aches to think that I will not see Dr. KG when I next visit Ernakulam. I
will not see him sitting at the last row of the Ygna Sala in front of the book
counter. Nor will I ever see him introducing the distinguished keynote speaker
of the Mamman Mappillai Memorial lecture. I will not see my friend Dr. KG
enlivening our trust meetings with his wit and wisdom. I will not see Dr. KG
taking the devil's side with his dark humour in his arguments with Professor
Sreedharan Nair. I often felt that Dr. KG's presence filled an audience and
gave authenticity to a gathering. I will badly miss him, my dear friend.
I
don't know how to console Padma, who went through all this with stoic calm.
Padma is wise and strong. She had her moments of break down. But she showed
remarkable resilience and dignity under stress. We can not ask more from her.
She is a role model for all of us. May God and Guru give her enough strength to
weather through this personal crisis and come out with deeper wisdom and
purpose to dedicate the rest of her to the service of society. I also pray that
Shobha and Satya be able to take this double blow with humility and
understanding and grow in spiritual wisdom and maturity. One day we all will
die, the earth will disintegrate and the sun will become charcoal and the
universe will shrink into nothingness. Therefore, advises Lord Krishna to
Arjuna, "na-tvam shochitum arhati, you shall not grieve".
Source:
Email
sent on Sunday, 13/11/2011
